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 'Tis the season to be naughty. That most wonderous time of the year is upon us again kids. And if you're fortunate enough to live in a climate where the seasons actually do change, then you'll find many useful things to do on those dreary snow days. One of my personal favorites is to drag out the ole Hit List and pick a victim for this fun operation.
The Voodoo SnowmanBegin by finding a suitable and isolated spot where you will perform your dirty work. I prefer a wilderness setting, but a well hedged or fenced in backyard will suffice. Next you will be consecrating your workspace by any means you are accustomed to ( I pee a circle around the area and chant "Watch out where them huskies go, don't you eat that yellow snow"). Before hand it will help if you have obtained a personal effect of the victim to be, such as hair, nail clippings, blood, personal belongings, etc. But if this is a problem, the name written or insigilized on a piece of paper will suffice. After the area has been located and consecrated the fun begins. Construct, in the best possible likeness of your victim, a snowman. I once helped a friend lash out at her abusive stepfather with this method and we constructed the snow man sitting in a recliner with a can of Busch Light in one hand and a remote control in the other. But what ever the image, it should clearly define your victim and their common mannerism. When the construction is complete, place the personal effects in the "heart" of the snowman. This will give to it the life of your victim. Once the Snow(wo)man has been constructed the next step you will perform is to pace about the construct. Giving it the Evil Eye. Working whatever emotions you have towards the victim up to the surface. Then you will declare your frustration to the victim via verbally bashing, cussing, yelling, screaming, spitting, etc. But for now we keep it at a verbal and less physical means. The beatings come next. You will do this until you feel the victim thoroughly understands just how badly you have it out for them. Before beginning the work, make sure you have brought with you also the tools you will use to torture your victim. I have used baseball bats, swords, broken broomsticks, chairs, rocks..the list is endless. I also once used coals for the eyes...and the knees, and the throat and the groin..and just about every other place I thought it'd be pleasant to burn. Yup..you guessed it. I lit the buggers on fire. And oh what an effect it had on the victim. But, no matter what you choose to bring the pain with, make sure you bring it with you. You don't want to have to leave the circle and obtain these tools. All that's left to do now is torture the sucker by whatever means you've chosen. When the snowman is no longer and has been thoroughly destroyed, so too shall your victim be. I've found that come spring, when the snow has completely melted away, is when you will see the full ramifications of the operation. But rest assured that until that time, your victim is suffering a slow demise. Have fun kids! And remember...Santa might be keeping a list of who's been naughty or nice, but those who make it to your list better think twice.
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