If you are currently unemployed, subtract 1
If your chief source of income is a non-traditional occupation, subtract .5
If you are homeless, subtract 5
If you live without a telephone, subtract 1
If you live without a television, subtract 2
If you are homosexual, subtract 2
If you had non-penetrative sexual contact before the age of twelve, subtract 3
If you have penetrative sexual contact before the age of twelve, subtract 7
If you have had sex forced upon you or been coerced to accept sex, subtract 3
If you have deliberately and unnecessarily killed an animal, subtract 2
If you have taken LSD, subtract 4
If you took or were given any hallucinogen before age 12, subtract 2
If you have taken more than 10,000 mics of LSD total, subtract 9
If you have taken LSD for ritual or non-recreational purposes, subtract 2
If you have taken DMT (or designer variant), subtract 2
If you have taken a ritual herbal hallucinogen (with full ritual) subtract 3
If you have had a near death experience, subtract 2
If you have experienced a past life, subtract 1
If you have produced practical knowledge from a past life, subtract 1
If you currently suffer from a phobia or mania resulting from an event in your life, subtract 1
If that phobia or mania is "crippling", subtract 5
If you have been lost in a forest (or similar wilderness) for more than 1 hour, subtract 1
If you have been lost in a forest (or similar wilderness) overnight, subtract 2
If you have been lost in the snow, subtract 1
If you have been stuck in a high place (clifftop, water tower, really tall tree) subtract 1
If you have been trapped underground, subtract 1
If you have been stuck in a confined place underground, subtract 2
If you have been deliberately buried alive, subtract 10
If you have been present during a natural disaster, subtract .5
If you have been "neck deep" in a natural disaster, subtract 2
If you have been one of the few survivors of a natural disaster, subtract 4
If you have been present at an accidental man-made disaster, subtract 2
If you have been present at a deliberate man-made disaster, subtract 3
If you have been involved in a deliberate man-made disaster, subtract 5
If you have had permanent brain damage, subtract 5
If you have ever been clinically dead, subtract 3
If you have looked for the dark side of the moon, subtract 1
If you saw it, subtract 1
If you have more than 30 pieces of (non-kitchen) cutlery, subtract 1
If they have names, subtract 1
If you have a body piercing, subtract 1
If you have more then 15, subtract 2
If you have more than1000 square inches of tattoo, subtract 2
If you have ever shopped in the back of someone's van, subtract 1
If you have ever been in jail for more than a week's duration, subtract 2
If you have obtained verifiably true information from voices in your head, subtract 3
If you have ever seen the inside of your own body, subtract 2
If you have seen a UFO, subtract 1
If you have seen a UFO land, subtract 2
If you have been abducted by aliens, subtract 5
If you are working in league with those aliens to abduct other humans, subtract 5
If you have alien technology implanted in your body, subtract 2
If you have seen an elf, faun, faerie, leprechaun, dwarf, or gnome, subtract 2
If you have been abducted by the "Little People", subtract 3
If you have seen a spiritual entity of any kind (with your physical eyes), subtract 1
If you have watched a spiritual entity materialize before you, subtract 1
If you have been attacked by a nonphysical entity, subtract 1
If you have had a sexual encounter with a nonphysical entity, subtract 2
If you had imaginary friends as a child, subtract 1
If you retained them past age 5, subtract 3
If you have travelled astrally, subtract 1
If you have travelled astrally to a place normally hostile (the Sun,ocean bottom etc) subtract 1
If you have read Simon's Necronomicon, subtract 1
If you have performed rituals from same (with results) subtract 3
If you have read Lin Carter's Necronomicon, subtract 1
If you have read George Hay's Necronomicon, kick yourself.
If you have have read Aleister Crowley's Liber Al, subtract 1
If you have found the secret messages (midpoints, spirals, cyphers) in Liber Al, subtract 2
If you have cast a spell that produced definite results, subtract 2
If you have cast a spell that harmed another person, subtract 3
If you have cast a spell that killed another person, subtract 5
If you have killed an animal in a ritual sacrifice, subtract 5
If you have ever cast a spell to deliberately alter your perception, subtract 1
If it worked, subtract 2
If you have engaged in a series of rituals to permanently alter your perceptions, subtract 3
If you have spoken with a deceased person whose identity is verified,subtract 1
If the spirit of that deceased person was conjured by yourself, subtract 3
If you have spoken with a "demon", subtract 1
If the demon was conjured by yourself, subtract 2
If the demon was entered into a Pact with yourself, subtract 3
If you have seen a dead human body (not yet processed by a morgue), subtract 1
If you have watched a human being die, subtract 5
If you have directly and intentionally killed a human being (not with magic), subtract 10
If there is a global conspiracy, subtract 1
If you are part of that conspiracy, subtract 2
For every night since you last slept (at all), subtract 1
If you were in an argument with a family member or co-worker in the last 12 hours, subtract 1
If you were in a fistfight in the last 24 hours, subtract 1
If you have a job interview in the next 24 hours, subtract 1
If you have a public performance (speech, play, concert) in the next 12 hours, subtract 1
If you are legally married, add 1
If you have ever seen a psychotherapist (single visit), add 2
If you have ever had regular therapy sessions, add 5
If you have a new car (less than two years old), add 1
If you work in an office, add 1
If you have hair above the collar (male), add 1
If you have a Wonder Bra (female), add 1
If you have a cellular phone, add 2
If you have Internet access, add 1
If you have more than two Internet accounts, add 5
If you monitor your caloric intake without medical insistence, add 1
If you (by choice) wear clothing with corporate logos on it, add 2
If you have satellite TV, add 2
If you have more than $50,000 in investments, add 5
If you own more than one car per capita (ie three cars in a two-person unit), add 2
If you have ever bought anything from a television commercial, add 3
If what you bought was exercise equipment, add 5
If you have ever entered a twelve-step program, add 6
If you completed it, add 10
If you have ever attended an Alcoholics Anonymous (or similar) meeting, add 5
If you have a station wagon, reclining chair, or eat meatloaf, add 1
If you have a minivan, adjustable bed, or take vitamin pills, add 4
If you have any safety equipment whatsoever as part of your home, add 5
If you collect stamps, coins, dolls or anything manufactured specifically as a collectible, add 3
If you own books by Z Budapest, Silver Ravenwolf, Starhawk, or Kenneth Grant, add 2
If you have ever been prescribed anti-nuts medication (Ritalin, Prozac), add 5
If you took the damn stuff, add 15

From the DSM III, the Global Assessment of Functioning scale, to determine your Functional Sanity:

81-90: Absent or minimal symptoms (eg mild anxiety before an exam), good functioning in all areas, interested and involved in a wide range of activities, socially effective, generally satisfied with life, no more than everyday problems or concerns (eg an occasional argument with family members)

71-80: If symptoms are present, they are transient and expectable reacitons to psychosocial stressors (eg difficulty concentrating after family argument) no more than slight impairment in social occupational, or school functioning (eg temporarily falling behind in school work)

61-70: Some mild symptoms (eg depressed mood and mild insomnia) OR some difficulty in social, occupational, or school functioning (eg occasional truancy, or theft within the household) but generally functioning pretty well, has some meaningful interpersonal relationships.

51-60: Moderate symptoms (eg flat affect and circumstantial speech, occasional panic attacks) OR moderate difficulty in social, occupational, or school functioning (eg few friends, conflicts with co-workers)

41-50: Serious symptoms (eg suicidal ideation, severe obsessional rituals, frequent shoplifting) OR any serious impairment in social, occupational, or school functioning (eg no friends, unable to keep a job)

31-40: Some impairment in reality testing or communication (eg speech is at times illogical, obscure, or irrelevant) OR major impairment in several areas, such as work or school, family relations, judgment, thinking or mood (eg depressed man avoids friends, neglects family, and is unable to work; child frequently beats up younger children, is defiant at home, and is failing at school)

21-30: Behavior is considerably influenced by delusions or hallucinations OR serious impairment in communication or judgment (eg sometimes incoherent, acts grossly inappropriately, suicidal preoccupation) OR inability to function in almost all areas (eg stays in bed all day; no job, home or friends)

11-20: Some danger of hurting self or others (eg suicide attempts without clear expectation of death, frequently violent, manic excitement) OR occasionally fails to maintain minimal personal hygiene (eg smears feces) OR gross impairment in communication (eg largely incoherent or mute)

1-10: Persistent danger or severely hurting self or others (eg recurrent violence) OR persistent inability to maintain minimal personal hygiene OR serious suicidal act with clear expectation of death.