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 Back in the early days of my career ('73), we presented a rather different aspect to our 'customers' than we do now. I should point out I'm talking about firefighters here... Anyway, they dressed us in a thigh length black canvas coat, a black leather 'beaked' helmet, crotch high rubber boots; and over the top of that you wore an air tank (if you were lucky) that, at the time, sounded a lot like the one Darth Vader apparently wore. It didn't feed you air constantly, but you had to draw on it to release a check valve, and just by breathing you gave off the sound of, "Click-HISSSSSSSSS-Chawwww" ..as you normally inhaled and exhaled. Now in a fire situation, where your nerves are already frazzled and your control is riding a razor's edge, this aspect presented, usually seemed as if a monster from hell clawed it's way out of the depths and suddenly materialized in your path if you were the victim. You'd find people screaming in terror, and running away from you, back into the fire area...either that, or the more gutsy ones would grab anything within reach and try to beat the living crap out of you, or choke the life out of you with their bare hands. Truly uncontrolled panic is awesome to behold, you turn animalistic, literally. A cognizant language goes out the window and is replaced with guttural grunts and screams, and 'Lee's Press-on Nails' become lethal raptor's claws. I've found, in this situation, that a 5' woman, properly motivated, can kick my ass from here to next week... To make a long story even longer, you do this stuff long enough, and you come across the dreaded 'HALLWAY FULL-LENGTH MIRROR' where you find yourself scrabbling down a hallway in a scene from hell. Visibility is down to zilch, wires are arcing, flames are shooting out of doorways, ceiling tiles are falling on you.....and you see movement at the end of the hallway...so you tap the nozzleman on the shoulder, and yell in his ear that you see someone and are leaving the group, and LAUNCH yourself down this hallway to pull this person out before they get to the medium-rare stage. The only thing is...this MONSTER THING is coming at you out of the darkness.....and as you raise up in panic...THE MONSTERTHING RAISES UP AT THE SAME TIME!!! In sheer panic you raise your halligan to protect yourself...and watch, in horror, as the Monster raised HIS weapon at the same time! Knowing you're about to die, you swing with all your might at the thing, while screaming, "DIE YOU BASTARD!!!!" ...and bury the point of your halligan into the monster's forehead.... Soooo, you pry out the halligan, that's now embedded 4" into the linen closet door, make your way back to your crew, and when they ask you "Did you get him???" You mumble.... " awww....musta been a freakin cat." Tune in next week to hear how I let a bedroom burn out, while I valiantly fought it's reflection in the dreaded hallway mirror. Alan's guide to self defense - covertly erect shrouded 'dreaded hallway mirrors' around the attacker, then sit back and watch as they beat themselves into a bloody pulp.
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