Universal Rules are written in the booklet they give ya when you check out of the Summerlands Bed and Breakfast. As luck would have it, I left mine sitting on the counter. I did get a chance to scan it, prior to checking out, and the two 'biggies' that I can remember are:
"Thou shalt not blow up the Earth as you will have nowhere to sit."
and

"Thou shalt not eat rocks, as they are hard to chew, harder to digest, and can be difficult to pass."

I don't remember any 'Thou shalt not eat meat' in there, but perhaps everyone's booklet is keyed to that particular individual.

I know you have to be careful, because I'm sure my brother's booklet said,

'Thou shalt not boink thy neighbor.'
... and he DID, and was subsequently recalled for retraining.

All I know is, there's no sense lieing to the cronelike personages in charge of you, because they have the ear of the Goddess. I used to scrawl, in a childlike hand, excuse notes from the Goddess, such as:

" Please excuse Alan from eating Brussel Sprouts, because they're listed in his booklet.'
signed
The Goddess
But I'm pretty sure they checked with Her personally, because they served those suckers every week for the whole summer; then watched, grinning evilly, as I choked every single one of them down. Even the stupid dog wouldn't eat them, I know, I tried to slip him some of mine. It just laid on the kitchen floor with the damn dog staring at it in horror, after spitting it out. It laid their like a tiny green bomblet, ticking away, until my Auntie accidentally stepped on it.

The following day I found them neatly stacked on my plate again, only mine, and twice as many as normal, like a series of tiny green cannonballs signaling my sin of wasting food. Oh the horror! No wonder my psyche is damaged....

Ah well, that time in my life is over, never again will the dreaded Brussel Sprout darken my plate again. And furthermore, when again I check into the Summerland Bed and Breakfast, I will put a note in the suggestion box that the entire species be exterminated, from root to bud; or at least be renamed ' Ptah', to give people an inkling of what to expect when they first put them in their mouths.

So say I,
so mote it be.



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